Tuesday, October 7, 2014

We have a Syrian Heaven

                                Rite Issue face book

In the recent past, for the first time, the Syrian Catholics of Kerala became the proud people who got the great and happy news about the canonisation of Sr. Alphonsa as a Saint and Fr. Chawra Kuriakose as a Blessed. The whole world and all the saints and angles of the heaven rejoiced over these great events. Do you know that the Syrian Catholic church with two thousand years of serving Christian tradition, has One Saint, four Blessed souls, two Venerable souls and eleven Servants of of God recognised in Heaven. 

Out of these 18 souls, 16 of them were recognised within the period of 2000 and 2012. Some vested interests started spreading rumours among the Syrian Catholic Shepherds of Kerala that the Syrian Saint and these great souls in heaven are not provided with the spiritual care necessary for them to remain as Syrian catholics. 

This is exactly the same type of rumours spread by some Kerala clergy that the catholic churches in North India, U.S, Canada, and Australia are not interested in the spiritual and temporal growth of the Syrian Catholics who have migrated to these areas. The Kerala Syrian Catholic Hierarchy decided to send a high level two member commission of enquiry to Heaven. The commission of enquiry consisted of Mar. Geevarghese Sampathu Veetil (symbol of wealth) and Mar Sebastianose Aramana Mana (symbol of power).

They both went to the gates of Heaven to enter there. But St Peter and his guards did not allow them to come anywhere near the Holy gate.  So they went and joined a sophisticated terrorist camp and underwent a training programme on infiltration techniques, high tech communications and complicated code systems for communication. Equipped with these new skills, these two managed to infiltrate into Heaven.

The scene in Heaven really shocked the sensibilities of the members of this two member commission. St. Alphonsa, Blessed Kuriakose and all the other Syrian souls in heaven were along with the huge crowd of non-Syrian Saints laughing, enjoying, playing, singing and dancing. The first sentence in their report to Kerala Syrian Hierarchy was, “All the non-Syrian saintly souls are laughing at our innocent Syrian Saintly souls and ridiculing them. The poor Saint and our other Saintly souls of  are not aware of the reason for their laughter”. 

The commission also noticed that our saints were praying, singing God’s praises along with other saints. The next sentence of the report was "Our Saints have forgotten all the traditional Syrian prayers and they are merging with all the other saints in all their devotional practices”. They added “The Syrian prayers, the customs and rituals are in jeopardy. There is absolute necessity of drastic action. Or else, our Rite will not even appear in heaven.”

“Confront the Syrian saints immediately and take necessary action” was the message that came back from the Kerala Hierarchy to their hidden camp. 

Sr. Alphonsa and all the other 17 saintly souls were summoned to their hidden camp by the commission. The commission told them that they are Syrian born. They are not supposed to mix with the Saints and saintly souls of non-Syrian community. They were told to shift their residence to a place far away from others. The commission imported a huge quantity of barbed wires and made a strong fence as it is done in Indo-Pakistan border. They asked the 11 Servants of God to act as boarder security force under the command of two Venerable souls to protect the Saint from the onslaught of non Syrians. 

The four Blessed ones were given the charge of looking after that part of heaven and our Saint Sr. Alphonsa. In spite of this enclosure and the guards, many of their old friends came to the fence to talk to them and invite them to their group to sing the praises of God. The commission was infuriated and imported explosive mines from their terrorist connections and laid these around the fence within ten metres of the fence.

After having done that much, with full satisfaction of having completed their mission, the commission were about to come back to Kerala. But Sr. Alphonsa told the commission about loneliness that all of them are suffering because of the isolation. The commission thought of this problem seriously and gave them a considered reply. “We will send you more Syrian saints to give you company. You will have to wait for some time. In Kerala, the families have become nucleus families and the parents don’t want their one and only one child to be given to the church. As such we have less of nuns and priests to become Saints.

The lay people usually don’t become Saints as they are very materialistic. We are sending our emissaries to every part of the world to collect all the Syrian born Kerala Catholics under one umbrella. Our people are working very hard in U.S.A, Canada, Australia, some Gulf countries and Africa for this purpose. We have sent our people to all the major cities of India. At present they are working in Mumbai, Chennai, and Delhi and also in some other places. Within a very short time, we will have a World Kerala Syrian Church. 

Be sure that we will get more Saints. If not, we will definitely have a Kerala Syrian Pope. Then there will be no problem for more Syrian Saints as your friends. Don’t worry; we know how to handle every situation successfully. Ultimately if needed, we will have a Syrian Jesus born in Kerala and we will have a Syrian Heaven for the Syrians Catholics of Kerala. 

Syrian Catholics, keep up your traditional faith. You have nothing to lose, but you have a whole new Syrian Heaven to gain with a Syrian Jesus and a Syrian Pope. The immigration to Heaven is easy as there is a whole Syrian Heaven with only eighteen saintly souls there. We will have to have more Saints to create a litany of the Syrian Saints soon.

This last paragraph is not a joke. This is the vision and mission of some of our beloved, dedicated and ambitious Shepherds

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